My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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