kristin has been a bad kristin
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
