First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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