The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
