I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize