i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
