Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
it glows. i had to have it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
