So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm at about main and main street
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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