Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize