I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
