I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
