Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
