so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
