Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
