PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
