you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
