Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
