I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
