I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
