Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
