Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize