I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
now i know why i became what i already was.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
