i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
