I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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