You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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