I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
