I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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