Your mouth is God's brothel.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
