sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
