we have pet lesbian snakes
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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