This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
