I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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