I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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