you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize