Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
