he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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