He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he shaved USA in his pubs
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
