the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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