I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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