Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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