My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
