you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
