How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
