Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
