well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
