The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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