my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
