You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
