the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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