If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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