Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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