were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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