Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
