I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
