well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I love you. Go after that dick
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
