I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize