some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
