i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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