That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
