Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
