it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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