He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
