Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
