so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
