you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Michael Bay diarrhea
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
