i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
