he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
