we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
