somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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