ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize