Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
