In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
