saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
