I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
