my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
