i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
