i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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