I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
