Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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