Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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