Moan for me like Helen Keller
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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