i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
