Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
