Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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