oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
