Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
