Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
