Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
