I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
