if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I didn't shave. On purpose
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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