He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
