Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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