i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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