She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
