Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
