I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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