apparently the secret to your success is patron
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
if only i could text you this smell
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
