You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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