You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
