Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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