And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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