One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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