Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize