I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
