dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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