bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
