He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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