You made me cry and you don't even care
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
