I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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