Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
