At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize