Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
