I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My life is pants optional.
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