I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
