Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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