I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
